Finding Healing For An Abandoned Son In Being a Good Father
By John W. Fountain
The blessings of fatherhood. Some are as clear as the golden morning sun, others hidden like treasures to be discovered along this sometimes tedious road of endeavoring to be good fathers.
I know, for instance, the story of a man who began carrying his severely disabled son through triathlons because his boy wanted to compete but could not do so on his own.
So the father carried his adult son on his back through the swimming portion (1 mile); pedaled with his son in tow on a specially made bicycle (25 miles). Then he ran the last leg of the grueling race, pushing his son in a cycle in front of him (6 miles).
“What an amazing thing he is doing for his son,” I thought to myself upon fseeing the story of Dick and Rick Hoyt, moved to tears by the father’s devotion.
The story reinforced my belief that being a good father can help save our children’s lives.
Then I learned of the father’s heart disease. That his doctor reportedly said that if he had not taken up the activity of training and doing triathlons with his son, he would likely have been dead. His training had opened new capillaries (or the blood vessels that form the network to arteries) to his heart.
So inasmuch as the father had saved his son, being a good father had saved him.
As Father’s Day approaches, I am reminded that no father is perfect.
I used to think I was the biggest loser by my own natural father’s desertion by age 4. I later understood that it was my father who lost so much more by his absence. That he missed out on the joys of fatherhood:
The moments of pride. Untold memories of walking with a son and daughter, of being there for school accomplishments and awards. Times of laughter and tears, and teaching your son to ride a bike, hit a ball or tuck him in at night.
The times of running beside a son or daughter on the cross-country trail or cheering them on as they round the track field. The times of training them, carrying them, lifting them, standing with their weight on your shoulder — understanding that you are their hope, their coach, counselor, mentor, father, their Mr. Incredible.
I came to understand as a father that the sometimes heavy lifting we do, the running and all the sometimes seemingly endless thankless work to help our children succeed, thrive, excel, is our lifeblood. For me, it has created capillaries that have restored life to the wounded heart of an abandoned son.
And I have come to believe that endeavoring to be a good father, to be a presence in the lives of our children rather than an absence, can unexpectedly open a pathway to healing the broken boy inside so many fathers who were wounded long ago by fatherlessness. I have felt that healing, soothing like a warm blanket over my soul.
And yet, I know that the cycle of paternal absence and neglect continues to wound so many sons and daughters who will grapple for years with the agony of fatherlessness.
As Father’s Day approaches, I am reminded that no father is perfect.
I am reminded that to be a good father is honor enough in itself and a good and faithful calling. Reminded that our calling as fathers is not contingent upon whether our relationships with the mother of our children endure, neither on what new love, opportunity, challenge, or hardship arises in our lives.
Reminded that even if it is the case that we have failed or fallen down on the job, we must now, right now, decide to get up and begin anew. For the stakes are too high.
And the blessings of fatherhood — all of the countless, still to be uncovered treasures — make it worth every moment. Every single one.
Email: Author@johnwfountain.com
Website: www.author.johnwfountain.com
